Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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