when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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