we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
