We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
