I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize