Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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