now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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