I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
