What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
