i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
