a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
