So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
