dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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