i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
