whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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