I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
YAS. BRING CRAB.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
