Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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