He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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