Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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