Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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