So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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