he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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