I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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