He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
