Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
