I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
