whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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