Michael Bay diarrhea
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
