you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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