i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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