hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
