So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
