then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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