I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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