he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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