So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
