gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
