I want to stick my p in your. b.
You can't motorboat a personality
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
