Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
