My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize