unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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