is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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