absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize