She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You are a genius and a whore.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
