i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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