Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
