dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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