I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
