I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
