So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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