She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
