You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
