I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize