I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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