I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize