Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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