Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
