hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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