My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize