I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
