I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
