thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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