My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
