Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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