there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
