and i looked up. we had an audience...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize