Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
