Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
