Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
