you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
