"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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