he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
