My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
