I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
