we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
