from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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