I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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