This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize