Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
