I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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