You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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