what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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