420 ftw
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
