THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
