Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize