I'm gonna have a badass scar
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Randomize
