Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
