I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
