you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
