Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
