I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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