I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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