You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
